Time

"why can't it be? no two people feel
the same way at the same time."

One thing I definitely don't understand is the human attraction to one another. Some people I'm shocked are even together, some I'm shocked aren't together. If someone likes you then you're obviously attractive... so why can't the person you like feel the same way about you? Why doesn't anything work as easy as the media portrays it to be? Everything is full of false hopes and unattainable dreams. When is it our chance to feel this way? Yes, we are young and naive, but the wait and those who come in and out in between are unbearable. I suppose when that moment in time comes the wait will be worth it, but I want it now. I was in love and he loved me back for the first time in my life. That feeling is undeniable, indescribable. I want that feeling back. When is my chance? When is our chance?

Everyone deserves this. No one deserves to be alone no matter how shitty or selfish they are. A chance at love will make your life bloom. It's almost as if you are starting over. You grow together, you learn together, you live together.

I mean it when I whisper, "forever."

Où vous êtes l'amour?

"passionate love."

I am so sick of everyone thinking love is a game. It's thrown around to the point where the words have no meaning. Nothing has meaning anymore. "I love you" doesn't mean shit. Day by day it's carelessly thrown around.

What do we do now?

If each of these trials carries me closer to someone's side, never would I choose another path. I'd be theirs. No one else could touch my heart. They would hold every inch it has to offer. They could capture me with their sunflower eyes and hold me there for days. I'd love everything about them. I'd feel like I’m finially standing on steady grounds with someone, and it’s the best feeling that I would ever experience. And we'd both mean it when we whispered "forever."

It's time for a change. Everything is looking up from here.

Questions

Despite what i’ve been told, solitude is not my fate. I look around and I find endless possibilities, endless chances, just waiting to be stumbled upon. Even after up and changing my life, again, i find that i am so close to being alone.

There are so many things I do not understand. Why is everything a challenge, why have words lost their meaning, why do I always have to be the one to hear the things I shouldn’t? The consistent fighting of my parents is unbearable. I try to not show it, but it’s so clear in my eyes.

“If anything happens, you’re coming with me.” she stated.

Of course I’d go with her, there’s no question about that. The only question is why did she say that. It’s obvious what’s going to happen, just so hard to admit. She shouldn’t have to say those words. She shouldn’t have to drink glass after glass and smoke herself to death. Her faith is barely helping her hold on. This is undeserving. This is not something we both have to go through. Yet every second I find myself closer and closer to being alone.

The questions continue…
will he do the same to me? Will it happen soon or in the near future? How much is this situation seriously affecting me? I can’t see it, but I know everyone else can. There’s always something wrong, always something broken. Always something that’ll leave us alone.

Five

1. be more honest, especially with myself.
2. stop worrying about trivial things.
3. work on the tendencies brought out by my jealousy.
4. learn to go to bed early.
5. forgive.