Truth

"did you know i've missed you, oh god i miss you."

And the truth is...

I'm not ready, I'll never be ready. I want so badly for me to be able to reach out and set myself free of the bond you've confined me in. Then I stop and realize I can't. I'm not strong enough to survive this on my own anymore. You've torn apart every inch of me. It's like if I break free from my cage my feet will burn on the ground. I'd be safer in the cage, but I crave for the adventure only because the curiosity is so intriguing. The cage is safer, the cage is safer.

I want to find where I belong. Maybe I shouldn't be with anyone. I guess I'll find out tomorrow when I see you for the first time in over five months. Amazing. Five months and I still feel like my heart is going to break. You do that to me. You hold that power over me. Maybe that's unhealthy. I don't know.

The truth is...

I should find happiness for everyone deserves to be happy.

Truthfully, I'd be happier back with you.

Crazy

"you're crazy, you make me so helpless,

i hate who i have to be without you next to me."

Am I going to spend forever wishing, wasting away?

I wish I never fucking met you.

the moments spent together went by too fast.

they slipped right through both our hands.

then I stop and think...

I don't need you,

but I hate how you feel like home.

I find a comfort with you that I don't see in anyone else.

Another part of me hates who you are.

Fuck up your life, do some drugs, tell some lies, cheat once or twice.

If that is what you want to be, then be it without me.

I don't need you, I know I don't need you at all.

Now you're lying in your bed, staring at the place

where I used to lay. I won't be there and you'll

hate that I'm in your head. You already do hate

that I'm in your head.

Let me tell you something...

you're fucking crazy!!

but you make me so helpless.

Without you I'm nothing, I'm not who I want to be.

I hate who I have to be without you next to me...

without you loving me.

but you're crazy, you're selfish.

Forgive

"i always catch the clock, it's 11:11 and now you wanna talk.

it's not hard to dream, you'll always be my konstantine."

August 6, 2009 10:42 AM

"I'm sorry.

I'm not going to text you or bother you again. I just wanted to let you know that I'm still not over you and wish that I was. I'm sure you're way over me and as embarrassing as this is, I need to tell you that you still consume my thoughts and invade my dreams every single day and it's killing me. I know I messed up everything, so for that I eternally apologize. I treated you badly, I screwed up; not you. I'm never going to find another you and it took me a while to realize it.

I'm sorry, I hope you've found happiness because I'm living a lie, that's all I needed to say."

--

You're sorry? You think saying your sorry is enough? No one should forgive anyone for the kind of shit you pulled. You put me through hell. I have never endured that much pain in my entire life. I loved you through all of it, and I still do.

I hope you miss me, I hope thinking about me eats you alive. You deserve worse then that, hell, you don't even deserve this blog or any of the others I posted. You are a piece of shit. You don't deserve me at all. It's too late to apologize now. It's too late.

The worst part about this is that I still belong to you, now more than ever. You are the only person I can be with. I gave myself to you, I gave my heart to you. You're burned into my skin. My other blogs just back up how I feel now. It's all true, it's all real. We belong together. I don't care if it's crazy or fucked up. If I'm happy and with you, that's all that matters. It's not too late, it's never too late.